Diary of a girl

We have read many news about rape cases. It takes my heart away to read that story. Rape is the worst inhuman behavior. I remain struck with lots of questions after reading. I wonder how she is coping up.  The story of victim does not end there yet it is just the beginning. How would she cope up with the love of her life? Will the incident haunt her throughout? The article that I have published is written from the rape victim point of view. I thank my source (who was a victim in 2011), she willingly shared her experiences to me. I am sorry to the readers because I don’t want to reveal everything about the incident. My article is not about 5Ws and 1H, it is not written in the hard news format. Rather as per her wish I have written down in the first person view.  We decided to write in the diary form. It could be taken as an excerpt from her diary. Here it goes…….. 

“God what I ask from you is freedom to leave my life without fear. I know my life has been so unfair with me. May be the pain I have undergone at that age was beyond what I could tackle. But even today I wonder whether that incident has made me strong or not. Still today I am wondering with those questions in my mind. Dear god, if you really have compassion to the sentient beings. I want you to kindly answer my few questions. I would like to know the reason why did it happen to me? You know very well that I was too innocent to believe anything especially as I was waiting for someone who would take me with him. Was my mistake that I had too much faith in you that made me undergo such pain?

If it was to happen with me then why is it that all the people had to know, how about my father’s reputation which he earned for lifetime was shattered by me. God, you really made me realize that I am the worst human ever.  I have realized that I have not been a good daughter to my parents and now I realized that I even cannot be a good girl friend to him. I am so sorry my dear love I wish to be a better one but I am shattered from inside. I have lost my pieces and I fear that it would never be complete. I respect individuality because similar things never happen to everyone. Those pain that I have to undergo, please let me be the last person. I can’t imagine to let anyone suffer as I did.

Looking at my present situation, my life from the audience point of view looks so perfect. My friends says they envy my life. They find it so comfortable and thinks that I’m lucky. Who would be seeing what I am going through? It is always true that we cannot judge a book by its cover and that is so applicable in my life. Things that have happened and those still happening I just wonder the cause for that. The girl that I used to be 12 years ago would be surprised to find the type of lady she is becoming. She might never have imagined that she would grow up to be a heartless and useless lady. Sometimes I wish if I could go back and be that girl so engrossed with books.

Life is unpredictable, that’s the greatest lesson I have ever learned so far. I never expected that I will have to see this phase of my life. I thought my life would be simple but it is just horrible. It is very tough to keep things about yourself with you because sometimes you run out of strength to bear that pain. It takes a lot to regain the hope to live. When you get lost in your own thoughts sometimes you find your existence meaningless. You realize that you have made no difference. May be I will never be able to make a difference.

I am so sorry not being able to understand you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me but the timing was bad. It takes my heart away, I love you so much and I want the best things to happen to you. For that I want to go away because I am not the right one for you. I will not be able to stand up to your expectation. I wish you all my luck and love more than enough so that you will move on without me. I know I just came for a while in your life and I might not have that huge impact. I had one of the most memorable time with you and I thank you for that because I will always have it to cherish.

I don’t blame anyone for my fate, it just happened. Now I try to move on and shape myself for a better future. The person I can be now is normal. It is tough actually to act as if nothing happened in your life.  Maybe that incident has made me strong and I shall continue to be stronger”.